The Unfathomed

Gentle Reminders | Healing | Art and Purpose | Mindful Living | Self-Care and Growth

Tag: acceptance

Only follow advice and make changes that truly support your mental health

As healthy as some habits, and activities seem, and as effective and impressive as an advice or a suggestion sounds, not everything works for everybody. And that’s okay. 

It’s okay to admit that sometimes your mind doesn’t agree with the expert advice because it has his own reasons not to. It’s okay to admit that your body isn’t always ready to adapt to the big changes you’re trying to make in order to feel better. Because no matter how bright, structured and wonderful a path is, it isn’t the only path to recovery or fulfilment. 

I say this because we’re full of contradictions. 

We all are different.

Our needs are different. 

Trying to stay positive all the time doesn’t work for people who’re in pain, who are suffering; in fact, grieving, taking time to recover from the loss and practising acceptance does. 

Exercising to relieve stress doesn’t work for people who are too exhausted and mentally drained to even get out of their bed; for them, some good food, and good rest helps. 

Going out, traveling and being an extrovert to bounce back and start anew doesn’t help people who have trouble being vocal about their problems or have anxiety issues; instead, staying in and staying close to even just one person they fully trust does. 

The list goes on because as I said, we’re all different. We often forget that our minds are constantly evolving. Life is always happening and change is an integral part of it. With all life events affecting us in various forms, we go through phases; some repeated and some new. And during these phases, everyone feels and copes with changes differently. When exposed to a new situation and faced with a difficulty, we seek help. We seek answers and solutions. We reach out to people and other resources to find help. We seek relevancy. And then, when we find what we were looking for, we relate to each other’s problems. But even though we follow the good advice we receive from experts and people who’re in the same place as you, we never really get the outcome we expected and that disturbs us. It makes us question our abilities. We never really feel satisfied or see a change. Do you know why? Because we end up turning the whole process of healing or adapting into a complex thing. We set deadlines. We ignore the discomfort and chase the feeling we’re aiming to feel. We skip parts of our own story. We rush. We try too hard to fit into the glorious story of recovery and breakthrough. We push ourselves to feel the way we’re told we’d feel instead of feeling what we really feel.

We fail to remember that our journey is different. We heal at our own pace. The intensity, vastness and depth of our issues can’t be compared to someone else’s. 

None of it can be validated by someone’s advice or idea of progress. 

When we realise this, we understand that our coping mechanisms, our ways to deal with changes in our lives and challenges must also be different. They must be curated to our needs. 

There’s no harm in trying various things to see what helps you. But, forcing yourself to keep at it and ignoring your needs, your feelings, the root of the problem, and other things that are personal to you, is not okay. 

We can’t make healing complex. We can’t compare our pain to someone else’s or force ourselves to do things that fail to improve our situation or help us get better. We can’t compare and feel disheartened because some get through difficult times in one go, some go back and forth, fall and get up and take time to adapt and evolve. There’s no comparison here at all. Both are worthy of appreciation. Because irrespective of time consumed, they’re both strong signs of progress. 

I hope this helped.

Thank you for reading!

Lots of love,

The Unfathomed

Copyright © 2020 by The Unfathomed – All Rights Reserved

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Take Responsibility for Your Life | The Unfathomed

We don’t get our life together in one-go. We wake up every morning and try until the sun sets and the moon rises.

We cry and howl but more than that, we smile and hope.

Here’s my story—

Many people say I am too serious for my age. I say, I am mature and mindful; because my life demands that from me. I can never lead an average life with only little understanding of things that truly matter to me. So I dig deep into everything that sparks joy in me and offers me peace. 

The life I am living today, I did not have it the easy way.

Anyone who knows me knows that I had to earn it. I had to build it. 

I wasn’t served opportunities on a silver platter. No. I went hunting for them. 

I had to build things from the scratch.

I got to where I am today because I took responsibility for all of my decisions and actions. 

Even when I was broken to a point I couldn’t breathe, I did not blame someone else for pushing me into darkness, neither did I blame myself for the situation I was in. 

I took responsibility.

I did not believe in any of the negative self talk. I pretended to be deaf when those thoughts grew louder and louder. I let every painful feeling consume me until there was nothing left to hurt. Until there was nothing left to break. 

And all along, I knew it in my heart that I was going to rise. I had to. 

I stopped trying to control my thoughts and feelings. 

I stopped wishing to change everything that happened, I just began acting stubborn about building a better future. Although I couldn’t control any of my emotions and it was painful, I was quietly rooting for myself; whispering words of assurance. 

That’s real self-love, I realised. 

I learned that real self-love is taking responsibility for yourself when things don’t go your way, when people around you betray you, and break you down. 

Taking responsibility for my life was undoubtedly the best decision I ever made. It saved me from emotions that could otherwise lead to jealousy, insecurities, lack of self-worth, overthinking and anxiety, if left unaddressed. 

That one decision led me to a path of transformation and re-discovery. It saved me from the regular self-destructive path a lot of people take during depressing times.

From there, I made decisions that would get me through those moments and help me find the light. 

Instead of blaming, harming anyone or waiting for someone to see me, I took responsibility and transformed.

I helped myself.

I helped myself every single day and without realising, I became capable of helping others. 

I helped myself heal in every possible way because that’s the least I could do for my hurting heart and broken spirit. 

I began to be mindful of my thoughts and my situation. 

With that, I learned the most important thing. I learned not to exaggerate my pain. I did not try to romanticise what’s gone. For a while I did, but once I was aware of the thoughts it led me to, I paused. 

Nostalgia is a liar, we need to remember this. And some lies are beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. They are hard to resist. You can rejoice in them for a while but you must never wait for them to become a reality. You cannot give away these precious years of your life for something like that. That’s a losing battle many of us are fighting. 

Forgetting someone who meant the world to you isn’t easy. Defeating your demons isn’t easy. Making peace with your insecurities isn’t easy. But living a life where you just wait for someone to return, something to happen, someone to save you or fix you, isn’t easy either. A life like that isn’t worth living, please understand. With passing years you’ll realise this and begin to regret the time you spent in wait. I’m trying to save you from that. So please understand. 

Please, listen.

We all get hurt in the early years of our life. We start to believe that our story is the most painful story on earth. Maybe it is, but the story hasn’t ended yet. You are looking at a chapter of your life, not the entire book. One chapter of your life should not decide who you become. We can’t call our story a sad one and close the book. We can’t leave the rest of the pages empty because we are afraid. We can’t cling to those years. We can’t ruin the coming years of our life waiting to get answers from people who did us wrong. When things end, we never really get closure. We must learn to accept that. 

We cannot expect words of comfort from people who hurt us. If you consciously make an effort to get your life back on track or atleast try to live gently, you win.

You owe that to yourself. So listen to me. 

Take responsibility for your life and try. Please, try.

Love, 

The Unfathomed

Copyright © 2020 by The Unfathomed All Rights Reserved

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Purpose of Journaling

“I wanna try journaling 📓How and why do you do it?” a friend asked

So I replied—

I’ll tell you my usual way of journaling.

I journal when I have a lot going on in my head 💭

Journaling is my way of pausing repetitive thoughts (why? because repetitive thoughts tire me out) 🙇🏻‍♀️

Journaling is my way of trying to understand why I’ve been having those thoughts and what they really mean.

For instance, this past week, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about my blog. I’m constantly thinking about how I‘m failing to make enough time for my blog every day, how I haven’t been focusing on creating more content regularly, how I haven’t fixed those technical issues on site and more.

It’s difficult to keep up. I’ve been working from home; creating a lot of content for work, managing a team and multitasking all day. But my conscience doesn’t take all of that into consideration. And I know that. I’m in the middle of a task and these thoughts emerge. I don’t know how to react to them + I’m too busy with work, meetings and deadlines. So, instead of paying attention to them or even making an effort to work on my site, I simply ignore them.

This repeats.

Since I realise that it has been happening a lot lately, instead of ignoring those thoughts, I pause and promise myself that I’ll dedicate some time to acknowledge them once I’m done with my work related tasks.

That one simple gesture relieves me.

After winding up work on a Friday evening, I quickly make a mental note to journal about those thoughts the next morning.

So here’s how the Saturday morning goes —

I sit down and make a note of every recurring thought and try to make a plan. This is my attempt at understanding my priorities outside work and to actually make them a part of my routine (why? because they matter so much to me).

Since I’ve been doing this for a long time (almost 2 years), understanding my thoughts and prioritising things has become quick and easy. I journal for 20-30 mins in such situations.

Besides that, I’ll write down some ideas that I want to implement, some habits I want to work on, some skills I would like to acquire and set small goals that I’d have fun accomplishing throughout the week.

Journaling allows me to dream new dreams.

Slowly and steadily, it allows me to make them a reality.

By doing this, I set my mind free.

And on weekdays, I can now quickly go through those little notes I made and try to spend some time working on them after I get off work.

Because honestly, making time for what matters is a stress buster for me.

I’m restless when I don’t make time for what matters to me—my blog, the unfathomed ❤️

Journaling is basically trying to make sense of the mess inside your head.

If it is your first time, you can randomly write everything, all your thoughts, in your journal. Then take a fresh page and try to put them in order. That’ll help.

This was my journaling approach for being productive and avoiding stress during work time because that’s the phase I’m in right now.

You can journal for various reasons; to make sense of your emotions, to evaluate your work life, to understand yourself or a loved one, to unwind or even to just vent out and feel better.

The purpose of journaling could be anything.

Journaling is making time for yourself.

Journaling is having a conversation with yourself.

I hope this helped.

Do you journal? 💛

Do you wanna get started?

If yes, here are some journaling prompts for you —

1. What is going well in my life right now?

2. What area of my life needs a little more care and attention from me?

3. What fears do I have? What is holding me back? What feelings am I ignoring?

4. What are the things I need to forgive myself for?

5. What is it that I am scared to admit out loud?

6. Where does my dream life look like?

Happy journaling!

If you need more prompts, I’m here 💜

Love,

The Unfathomed

Copyright © 2020 by The Unfathomed – All Rights Reserved.

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Lack of Exposure and Abundance of Leisure

Unsettling times are slowly fading away.

These days, the city is quieter than usual & that is nothing to feel sad about because these days, the city is also cleaner and brighter than usual.

The silence. It was scary at first. It is comfortable now. 

It is helping people slow down, and finally understand each other and their own self. 

There are longer conversations in balconies. 

Louder laughs shared with a hot cuppa in the evening. 

Everyone is kinder than usual, so kind that they’re feeding the voiceless, praying & grieving for the homeless because the hands are tied and that’s all one can do right now. There’s also calmness in people’s eyes. 

They’re happy about the way nature is flourishing. 

The long ignored plight has somehow become a priority. Holding on to the hope & healing, we’re finally in sync with mother nature. We’re now similar. 

There’s less agitation and more acceptance now. 

There are more people watching sunsets and no people stuck in traffic. Running the race in this rapidly evolving world, those little things we dreamed of escaping to are now a part of our reality. 

Thursday, 5:03 pm – The distant view of the race course brings back so many memories from childhood.

It is barely visible now. When I was little, I believed it was an airport because its shape looked like a plane to me. When I was little, I also believed I could fly an airplane. Today, I don’t believe I can do everything but I know with certainty that I can do a lot of difficult things.

Friday, 7:42 am – The old neem tree in the neighbourhood is greener now. Back in those days, the girl I went to school with told me it was a place where ghosts reside. I believed that too. But today, I see many birds hovering over it, settling on it’s branches. I see colorful kites stuck on it. It doesn’t look scary. It looks lively and beautiful.

Friday, 5:22 pm – My new found love, dermot kennedy, starts to sing. Whilst his voice begins to consumes my mind & drowns all my thoughts at once, the clean air fills my lungs. And in this moment, I feel alive. I feel grateful for the air I breathe. I look around and suddenly, I wish I could still see the magnificent Charminar from my terrace, like I did when I was a kid.

But that’s okay. 

I see the intricately built metro lines now. 

Saturday, 4:47 pm – I hear prayers from the mosque. The temple is still in sight too. The gods are still there, just no devotees visiting them. Gods understand, I believe. I also believe that they never ask for anything but for you to be human.

Today, 7:30 am –

Sunday, 5:50pm – Living close to the station, I grew up with the sound of trains awakening me in the middle of the night & sometimes falling asleep to it because it was familiar. I don’t hear it these days. But the station is still in sight and the flag hoisted there is still standing tall. It is breathing better too, I feel and that makes me smile.

Today, I spent an hour on my terrace watching the sky but I witnessed something much more beautiful than the crimson skies. I watched a father play with his little girl. Her laugh echoed each time he took her in his arms. It was beautiful.

Today, I saw a teenage boy training his dog on the terrace. They share a beautiful bond, I could tell. 

They were happy. Genuinely happy. 

Let me tell you something.

We’re feeling stuck. We’re feeling caged. Maybe the fear is real. For a while, maybe we really do feel anxious. But that’s not the only thing we’re feeling now, are we?

Take a moment to look around, we’re unlearning and relearning.

We’re learning to seek happiness in little things and we’re doing a great job learning to be happy and at peace. We’re sent home to enjoy the summer break. We’re sent home to rest, readjust and rejuvenate.

So take a moment to look within yourself, there’s a pool of serenity. There’s a sense of contentment swirling in it. There’s  also potential. Undiscovered potential emerging from it. 

And if you trust the timing of life, you’ll realise that there’s a voice reaching out to you. Trying to tell you this halt, this havoc, this pause, the lack of exposure and abundance of leisure, all of it is a blessing. Trust it.

Stay safe, stay sane

Love,

The Unfathomed

Copyright © 2020 by The Unfathomed – All Rights Reserved

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Enough isn’t a standard that needs to be achieved or chased. Enough is acceptance.

“I’m enough,” you tell yourself first thing in the morning because someone on youtube has told you to practice self-love with affirmations

You say it and get out of your bed feeling ready for the day

You end the day feeling clueless and yet again, you go to sleep feeling ‘not enough’

What is wrong, why is there no change and why do my efforts seem to go in vain, you ask yourself. Like every other night, you chose to shove it all aside and sleep or spend hours thinking about everything. You have convinced yourself that those are the only two ways to deal with it and do nothing but push yourself to find some energy to face tomorrow.  

But maybe, just telling yourself you are enough every morning isn’t enough. Maybe you need to actually believe it and maybe that’ll take you longer than those few minutes of affirming in the morning. Maybe because you say and don’t really believe it, throughout the day your mind and body are forced to look for validation everywhere you go and in everything you do. It’s a cycle that you are oblivious to. You look for it in the eyes of a stranger passing by and even a slightly different look from anyone makes you want to check yourself in the mirror. You look for it in the emails flooding your inbox and hope to find some words of appreciation from your higher officials.

You try to find it in the rising digits of your bank account, in the fancy collection flooding your closet, in the flashy pictures clicked in nightclubs and in likes and comments from strangers. You search for it in the words falling out your beloved’s mouth and more so dig for it in his/her actions every day. You fail to see it all and end your day believing it isn’t there. It’s time you understand that enough doesn’t mean perfect. Enough isn’t a standard that needs to be achieved or chased. Enough is acceptance. Enough is the thing only you can give to yourself; it needs your attention and support. A rare feeling that can be found only in you.

No person, accomplishment, place or thing can make you feel enough. Nothing can convince you to let the burden off your shoulders; the burden of expectations piled up whilst looking for validation in all the wrong places. You have to do it for yourself and it’s not a hard thing. It’s not a responsibility but a need; something as natural as feeding yourself with your own hands every day. Saying and believing you are enough is a very personal thing; don’t see it as a task that needs a reminder or a routine, it is something beautifully divine and very personal to you as a person.

Shift your idea of ‘enough means perfection and validation’ to ‘enough means acceptance and celebration of my rawness’ and I promise you won’t go to sleep feeling ‘not enough’.

Please don’t just read this and forget, the purpose of this post will be met only when you practice it. Let’s take it one step at a time. Start off by saving a part of this post in your notepad, the part that you liked the most and maybe take some time to act on it. Also, I’d love to know how it helped you.

Thank you for reading.

Love and light,

Nandini

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Intention, Acceptance, and Authenticity – Escape the Whirlwind of Destruction

‘Walk away, let go, trust the process and you will watch yourself flourish.’

As cliché as it may sound, believe me when I say walking away will do your life good. Not just in the matters of hearts but everywhere; in every aspect of your life — everything that doesn’t serve you, needs to make an exit, it is that simple.

Live by this rule and you will watch yourself flourish — mentally, physically, spiritually.

All our lives, we are taught to be strong and never give up but there’ll be times when doing exactly that — letting go, breaking free — shows courage and strength of character. I don’t want you to turn into a bitter person and neither do I encourage you to become numb and emotionless. I only want you to value your emotions and stop letting them get in your way of happiness; because they hold the power to lead you to destruction — something you certainly don’t deserve.

It is a bitter pill to swallow but you have to do it for yourself. The only person you should hold responsible for the things going on in your life should be you and you alone. Blaming others for your struggles might seem tempting but what you often fail to understand is that in the blame game, you lose power. Giving someone else that kind of command over your life is worse than the struggle you go through in the process of acceptance and taking responsibility. The concept of acceptance is one of my favorites, I must say. Everybody believes that acceptance is the key to betterment, I agree.

However, in my experience, the first step to progress is the intention, not acceptance. Now, acceptance and intention might sound the same but these are two completely different emotions. When life hits you hard and you are sitting there wallowing in self-pity, complaining how unfair people are — you feel a mixture of emotions. You struggle with those set of emotions and after a lot of thinking, contemplating and spending enough time with the pain, you zero down to one emotion — whichever feels right and most logical. This is where intention comes in. What you intend to do with that feeling, that conclusion, the clarity you struggled so hard to find is what drags you out of the abyss and sets you apart. At that moment, you either feel an immense amount of pity for yourself or experience rage. Picking the right one, choosing to live your life intentionally and not letting one idea or experience destroy your perspective on life is the turning point.

Very often, I see people turn into something undesirable and call it an outcome of their harsh experiences in life. This is the negative acceptance I am most afraid of. Acceptance is liberating, I agree. However, jumping to a conclusion too quickly, accepting it to be true and spending your entire life carrying that burden is toxic. I call it a burden because it’ll probably make you live against your own truth.

For instance, if you have loved a person, a dream, a goal or anything for that matter, deeply, and things went awry, you will go through a rough patch until you find your closure and answers. You won’t always find these answers easily; they won’t be served to you on a shiny, decorated plate. No. You are thrown to the ground, forced to dig up, pushed to get your hands bloody and dirty. But, sometimes, you are left helpless and as time goes by, the answers come looking for you, all by themselves; in times like these, you are simply required to be still. Despite seeming like two different scenarios, the amount of strength one requires to endure these situations is the same. We go through a lot during these times which makes us impatient and desperate to be the best version of ourselves. We can’t wait to get our closure, clarity, answers or whatever you choose to call them, we just can’t wait for it to find us and fall in our arms, destroy us for one last time just so we can finally begin to rebuild. It is a transformational phase which is why I believe one should not let it all go to waste by making a wrong decision and end up losing your authenticity. The idea is to use it to your advantage; let it change your perspective on things in a positive way. Let it instill wisdom in you and make you a better, kinder, wiser person. After this long struggle, whatever comes out should change you for better and not make you bitter.

What you intend to do with the answers will either make you or break you. So whatever you choose to do, make sure it doesn’t mess with your core values and your identity. Harsh transformation might seem like a great choice at the moment but make sure you don’t spend the rest of your life living against your own truth. Holding onto the new idea and forcing it upon yourself in the name of ‘change’ or ‘growth’ will do you more harm than good.

“Once you are out of the dark abyss, dust the misery off.

Be a badass, but also be kind.”

Which part of this post did you like, agree with or resonate with the most? I’d love to know.

Thank you for reading,

Love and light,

Nandini

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