As healthy as some habits, and activities seem, and as effective and impressive as an advice or a suggestion sounds, not everything works for everybody. And that’s okay.
It’s okay to admit that sometimes your mind doesn’t agree with the expert advice because it has his own reasons not to. It’s okay to admit that your body isn’t always ready to adapt to the big changes you’re trying to make in order to feel better. Because no matter how bright, structured and wonderful a path is, it isn’t the only path to recovery or fulfilment.
I say this because we’re full of contradictions.
We all are different.
Our needs are different.
Trying to stay positive all the time doesn’t work for people who’re in pain, who are suffering; in fact, grieving, taking time to recover from the loss and practising acceptance does.
Exercising to relieve stress doesn’t work for people who are too exhausted and mentally drained to even get out of their bed; for them, some good food, and good rest helps.
Going out, traveling and being an extrovert to bounce back and start anew doesn’t help people who have trouble being vocal about their problems or have anxiety issues; instead, staying in and staying close to even just one person they fully trust does.
The list goes on because as I said, we’re all different. We often forget that our minds are constantly evolving. Life is always happening and change is an integral part of it. With all life events affecting us in various forms, we go through phases; some repeated and some new. And during these phases, everyone feels and copes with changes differently. When exposed to a new situation and faced with a difficulty, we seek help. We seek answers and solutions. We reach out to people and other resources to find help. We seek relevancy. And then, when we find what we were looking for, we relate to each other’s problems. But even though we follow the good advice we receive from experts and people who’re in the same place as you, we never really get the outcome we expected and that disturbs us. It makes us question our abilities. We never really feel satisfied or see a change. Do you know why? Because we end up turning the whole process of healing or adapting into a complex thing. We set deadlines. We ignore the discomfort and chase the feeling we’re aiming to feel. We skip parts of our own story. We rush. We try too hard to fit into the glorious story of recovery and breakthrough. We push ourselves to feel the way we’re told we’d feel instead of feeling what we really feel.
We fail to remember that our journey is different. We heal at our own pace. The intensity, vastness and depth of our issues can’t be compared to someone else’s.
None of it can be validated by someone’s advice or idea of progress.
When we realise this, we understand that our coping mechanisms, our ways to deal with changes in our lives and challenges must also be different. They must be curated to our needs.
There’s no harm in trying various things to see what helps you. But, forcing yourself to keep at it and ignoring your needs, your feelings, the root of the problem, and other things that are personal to you, is not okay.
We can’t make healing complex. We can’t compare our pain to someone else’s or force ourselves to do things that fail to improve our situation or help us get better. We can’t compare and feel disheartened because some get through difficult times in one go, some go back and forth, fall and get up and take time to adapt and evolve. There’s no comparison here at all. Both are worthy of appreciation. Because irrespective of time consumed, they’re both strong signs of progress.
I hope this helped.
Thank you for reading!
Lots of love,
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