We don’t get our life together in one-go. We wake up every morning and try until the sun sets and the moon rises.
We cry and howl but more than that, we smile and hope.
Here’s my story—
Many people say I am too serious for my age. I say, I am mature and mindful; because my life demands that from me. I can never lead an average life with only little understanding of things that truly matter to me. So I dig deep into everything that sparks joy in me and offers me peace.
The life I am living today, I did not have it the easy way.
Anyone who knows me knows that I had to earn it. I had to build it.
I wasn’t served opportunities on a silver platter. No. I went hunting for them.
I had to build things from the scratch.
I got to where I am today because I took responsibility for all of my decisions and actions.
Even when I was broken to a point I couldn’t breathe, I did not blame someone else for pushing me into darkness, neither did I blame myself for the situation I was in.
I took responsibility.
I did not believe in any of the negative self talk. I pretended to be deaf when those thoughts grew louder and louder. I let every painful feeling consume me until there was nothing left to hurt. Until there was nothing left to break.
And all along, I knew it in my heart that I was going to rise. I had to.
I stopped trying to control my thoughts and feelings.
I stopped wishing to change everything that happened, I just began acting stubborn about building a better future. Although I couldn’t control any of my emotions and it was painful, I was quietly rooting for myself; whispering words of assurance.
That’s real self-love, I realised.
I learned that real self-love is taking responsibility for yourself when things don’t go your way, when people around you betray you, and break you down.
Taking responsibility for my life was undoubtedly the best decision I ever made. It saved me from emotions that could otherwise lead to jealousy, insecurities, lack of self-worth, overthinking and anxiety, if left unaddressed.
That one decision led me to a path of transformation and re-discovery. It saved me from the regular self-destructive path a lot of people take during depressing times.
From there, I made decisions that would get me through those moments and help me find the light.
Instead of blaming, harming anyone or waiting for someone to see me, I took responsibility and transformed.
I helped myself.
I helped myself every single day and without realising, I became capable of helping others.
I helped myself heal in every possible way because that’s the least I could do for my hurting heart and broken spirit.
I began to be mindful of my thoughts and my situation.
With that, I learned the most important thing. I learned not to exaggerate my pain. I did not try to romanticise what’s gone. For a while I did, but once I was aware of the thoughts it led me to, I paused.
Nostalgia is a liar, we need to remember this. And some lies are beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. They are hard to resist. You can rejoice in them for a while but you must never wait for them to become a reality. You cannot give away these precious years of your life for something like that. That’s a losing battle many of us are fighting.
Forgetting someone who meant the world to you isn’t easy. Defeating your demons isn’t easy. Making peace with your insecurities isn’t easy. But living a life where you just wait for someone to return, something to happen, someone to save you or fix you, isn’t easy either. A life like that isn’t worth living, please understand. With passing years you’ll realise this and begin to regret the time you spent in wait. I’m trying to save you from that. So please understand.
We all get hurt in the early years of our life. We start to believe that our story is the most painful story on earth. Maybe it is, but the story hasn’t ended yet. You are looking at a chapter of your life, not the entire book. One chapter of your life should not decide who you become. We can’t call our story a sad one and close the book. We can’t leave the rest of the pages empty because we are afraid. We can’t cling to those years. We can’t ruin the coming years of our life waiting to get answers from people who did us wrong. When things end, we never really get closure. We must learn to accept that.
We cannot expect words of comfort from people who hurt us. If you consciously make an effort to get your life back on track or atleast try to live gently, you win.
You owe that to yourself. So listen to me.
Take responsibility for your life and try. Please, try.
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