The Unfathomed

Gentle Reminders | Healing | Art and Purpose | Mindful Living | Self-Care and Growth

Tag: nandiniswamy

A letter to the city that breathed new life in me—Bangalore

I knew I was leaving a whole life behind

Stepping into a new world; a world of unknown.

I left Hyderabad on 7th of April 2018.

I vividly remember everything I went through that night. I remember even the minutest of details of that journey like it was just yesterday.

Completely unsure of how things are going to unfold or the idea of where life is taking me, I sat there ‘still and numb’. I was scared to death but there was no going back. At that moment, fear, confusion, disappointment, hope, expectations, strength, denial, every feeling that one can possibly feel played out through me.

As time went by, my life only seemed to go downhill and filled me with the grief of everything I left behind. I started to believe the voices in my head that screamed ‘You made a wrong decision.’

But over time, the truth overpowered those voices. The part I had mistaken for a void that needed a lover to be filled was in reality, just a layer of hurt. And with passing time, I was able to scrape it off and discover that what lies beneath is nothing but a treasure trove of love I had stored for myself and my loved ones.

I remember how this city presented me with an opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. I understood and accepted my shortcomings so that I could start working on them. It helped me fall in love with myself all over again and has given me every opportunity to discover my true potential. It has given me time and space to rest, heal, rediscover and rebuild my life with a broader perspective. This is the place where I learned some of the best and most invaluable life lessons. From learning to accept the fact that nothing is permanent to striving to make every moment count, I have come a long way. It did nothing revolutionary but subtly helped me shed parts that no longer served my purpose. Always reminded me of the reasons why I started this journey in the first place.

Here, I was introduced to the most beautiful and powerful parts of myself. I was directed towards a passionate and fulfilling life. There were moments so sublime I had to almost pinch myself to believe they were real — “I have had my heart broken before and it will most probably happen again. But, from this time forward, nobody will have any kind of power or negative impact on me and my well-being” I said to myself watching the sunrise beautifully over the lake. It was a moment worth remembering.

Today, I no longer shed tears over those who caused me pain. I wish them well, pray for their happiness and keep moving forward in life. I have learned the value of forgiveness and freedom in this city. It gave me power and I was unstoppable when it came to things I set my heart and mind on. I have conquered things that I had only dreamed of. Things that were ‘real’ only in my dreams are now a part of my reality and I can’t be thankful enough for it.

This city has offered me growth, faith, transformation, and the truth. It was never harsh on me or made me feel like an outsider. In fact, I have always felt like home here. It will always be a home for the dreamers and the hustlers, I believe. I will forever be grateful for all that I found here, for people, places and things that have fuelled my passion and gave my little heart such immense courage to keep going. Most of all, I’m thankful for the way it helped me look at my own city (Hyderabad) in a different light. It helped me fall in love with the place I grew up in, all over again.

I want to share a part of what I’ve learned here with you, so here it is — there’s nothing more important than the memories you are about to create. This moment is the only proof that you are alive. Once you learn to live in the present moment, what lies ahead or what is left behind holds little to no importance. So go ahead, soak in the beauty of ‘now’, be unabashedly yourself and never stop dreaming. For one day you will realize, by trusting the flow of life, you’ve ended up in the most beautiful place.

So this is my story and I am forever — ruthlessly and relentlessly — editing it.

This is my masterpiece.

Takeaway message: When it is time to grow, God pushes you out of your comfort zone. It’s ugly and uncomfortable at first but eventually, transforms you into someone you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

If you, too, have a place, person, things or even just some moments that helped you turn into something better, fuelled your dreams and served your transition, take a moment to be grateful. Let today be the day to express your gratitude toward it. Also, I’d love to know about it so use the comment section or send me a message, I’m all ears 🙂

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Intention, Acceptance, and Authenticity – Escape the Whirlwind of Destruction

‘Walk away, let go, trust the process and you will watch yourself flourish.’

As cliché as it may sound, believe me when I say walking away will do your life good. Not just in the matters of hearts but everywhere; in every aspect of your life — everything that doesn’t serve you, needs to make an exit, it is that simple.

Live by this rule and you will watch yourself flourish — mentally, physically, spiritually.

All our lives, we are taught to be strong and never give up but there’ll be times when doing exactly that — letting go, breaking free — shows courage and strength of character. I don’t want you to turn into a bitter person and neither do I encourage you to become numb and emotionless. I only want you to value your emotions and stop letting them get in your way of happiness; because they hold the power to lead you to destruction — something you certainly don’t deserve.

It is a bitter pill to swallow but you have to do it for yourself. The only person you should hold responsible for the things going on in your life should be you and you alone. Blaming others for your struggles might seem tempting but what you often fail to understand is that in the blame game, you lose power. Giving someone else that kind of command over your life is worse than the struggle you go through in the process of acceptance and taking responsibility. The concept of acceptance is one of my favorites, I must say. Everybody believes that acceptance is the key to betterment, I agree.

However, in my experience, the first step to progress is the intention, not acceptance. Now, acceptance and intention might sound the same but these are two completely different emotions. When life hits you hard and you are sitting there wallowing in self-pity, complaining how unfair people are — you feel a mixture of emotions. You struggle with those set of emotions and after a lot of thinking, contemplating and spending enough time with the pain, you zero down to one emotion — whichever feels right and most logical. This is where intention comes in. What you intend to do with that feeling, that conclusion, the clarity you struggled so hard to find is what drags you out of the abyss and sets you apart. At that moment, you either feel an immense amount of pity for yourself or experience rage. Picking the right one, choosing to live your life intentionally and not letting one idea or experience destroy your perspective on life is the turning point.

Very often, I see people turn into something undesirable and call it an outcome of their harsh experiences in life. This is the negative acceptance I am most afraid of. Acceptance is liberating, I agree. However, jumping to a conclusion too quickly, accepting it to be true and spending your entire life carrying that burden is toxic. I call it a burden because it’ll probably make you live against your own truth.

For instance, if you have loved a person, a dream, a goal or anything for that matter, deeply, and things went awry, you will go through a rough patch until you find your closure and answers. You won’t always find these answers easily; they won’t be served to you on a shiny, decorated plate. No. You are thrown to the ground, forced to dig up, pushed to get your hands bloody and dirty. But, sometimes, you are left helpless and as time goes by, the answers come looking for you, all by themselves; in times like these, you are simply required to be still. Despite seeming like two different scenarios, the amount of strength one requires to endure these situations is the same. We go through a lot during these times which makes us impatient and desperate to be the best version of ourselves. We can’t wait to get our closure, clarity, answers or whatever you choose to call them, we just can’t wait for it to find us and fall in our arms, destroy us for one last time just so we can finally begin to rebuild. It is a transformational phase which is why I believe one should not let it all go to waste by making a wrong decision and end up losing your authenticity. The idea is to use it to your advantage; let it change your perspective on things in a positive way. Let it instill wisdom in you and make you a better, kinder, wiser person. After this long struggle, whatever comes out should change you for better and not make you bitter.

What you intend to do with the answers will either make you or break you. So whatever you choose to do, make sure it doesn’t mess with your core values and your identity. Harsh transformation might seem like a great choice at the moment but make sure you don’t spend the rest of your life living against your own truth. Holding onto the new idea and forcing it upon yourself in the name of ‘change’ or ‘growth’ will do you more harm than good.

“Once you are out of the dark abyss, dust the misery off.

Be a badass, but also be kind.”

Which part of this post did you like, agree with or resonate with the most? I’d love to know.

Thank you for reading,

Love and light,

Nandini

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A reminder that struggling is just as common and normal as breathing


I know you often wonder why it had happened and why you have to live with the weight of certain things. I know you wish to make a change and try your best to live a good life. I know you tell yourself it’s going to be alright but have difficulty believing your own words. I didn’t say a name yet these lines resonated with almost all of you. Almost each one of you found yourself in it and felt as though I’m talking about you; to you.

Doesn’t this say something? It sure does. This means you are not alone.

What a beautiful thing it is that we’re all in this together. It might seem like you are alone but if only you could hear the thoughts of others the way you hear their voices, you’d know that wondering, failing, struggling, falling, getting back up, doubting, and doing it all over again is just as common as breathing. We’re all doing it and dealing with this thing called life in our own weird ways. Too bad the struggle is internal and our eyes fail to recognize it. We have convinced ourselves to mask it all and have made sadness seem like a crime; you can’t be sad in public, you can’t let anyone see your struggle, and you can’t talk about it out loud.

“Shhh! Suffer alone and be sad in private, that’s brave” you’ve been taught.

That’s brave, that courageous and shows maturity, isn’t it? NO.

Being sad is as normal as being happy. Doubting yourself is as normal as appreciating your victories. And breaking down is as normal as laughing your heart out. So stop torturing yourself for having flaws and stop poking at your dark parts or even worse trying to live as though they don’t exist. C’mon! You are a human — a wild living thing, not some delusional unicorn dripping with perfection.

And if you feel like you are failing and aren’t truly living or making the most of your life, know that there’s no perfect road map to living life. The mere fact that there are a million thoughts originating from you and running through your mind, a thousand words falling out of your mouth, hundreds of voices you are connected to, is enough proof that you are full of life and truly alive. You are living life just the way it’s meant to be lived.

Who made you believe that life was supposed to be a perfect fairytale and minds were supposed to be empty and hearts intact? Who said you are supposed to spend all your years tuning out imperfections and aiming to build a perfect little bubble to live in? Who plotted you against this beautiful thing called ‘life’ that you blame it for all the real things it offers? Think about it and you might realize that you aren’t supposed to be fighting so hard. While you are out there thinking you suck at living this life, you are actually living it just the right way — you are living your story. When you realize that your life isn’t something that needs to be filled with achievements and you only need to accept whatever comes your way, learn, grow and breathe, you will quit trying to MAKE a perfect life and understand you already HAVE a beautiful life. It can’t be tuned to perfection because the world’s idea of a perfect life is quite unrealistic and it brings nothing but toxicity to your mind and body. I know I’m trying too hard to defy the odds and change your perspective but I hope you got what I’m trying to say (at least a little).

Now, wouldn’t you believe me if I said that you aren’t alone and you aren’t abnormal or weak for feeling clueless about your life?

You should.

Because the truth is this is how it’s meant to be but sadly, we’ve been conditioned to believe otherwise.

You are supposed to be clueless so life can surprise you. You can’t choose what life throws at you; you can only rejoice in its goodness, wallow a little in the dark parts, learn from it and grow.

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Fading beauty of Art – Hunger for exposure & validation

Quit List #1

Art laced with ego and crushed under the weight of expectations is equal to a beautiful breathing thing caged in an extravagantly decorated coffin. In the quest of impressing all that’s outside you, do not doubt and ruin what resides inside you.

Let this piece be a reminder that you are going to die with the art you nurtured throughout life, not with the attention you acquired showing it off.

Some days you write things that garner a large amount of appreciation as it resonates with the audience; changes someone’s perspective on something, makes someone’s day a little better or someone’s mind a little calmer. And then, on some days, without you even realizing, you write things just for yourself; things that make YOU feel better and have the potential to make YOUR day better. These might not bring you applause but they do bring you peace.

There’s no comparison between the two for they are both real and beautiful.

I majorly write for myself and that’s one thing I would never want to change. There are no second thoughts or inhibitions and it’s only fair to be selfish because this is the only place where I am truly in sync with myself.

We spend enough parts of our lives caring about others and making opinions, feelings, and needs of others a priority. So why is it so hard to understand we all deserve a place where we can be ourselves; a place where we can truly and unabashedly be ourselves.

If you are someone who writes, let your pages be that place. Let the notepad on your desktop, the beautiful diary on your nightstand, torn pages from an old notebook, the back of your hand, any and every place you spill words on, be the place you are ruthlessly yourself. Feel things, let them out and forget the rest. Nothing good ever comes from worrying about the outcome; especially when art is involved.

Quit measuring your worth based on ranking, likes, hits or any other form of a virtual response. It’s such an insult to the talent and creativity you possess and the beauty you have to offer. Those responses bring money and pay our bills, I understand that. And there’s nothing actually wrong with it as long as you don’t see it as a goal you need to achieve and constantly keep up with.

It drains you.

So, what is it that you should do instead of obsessing over the modern creativity measuring methods? You should just let go & keep doing your own thing.

I’ll tell you how that worked for me — I absolutely love reading about writers from history.

Do you know why?

Because during those times, there were writers and artists who published their works anonymously and never claimed rights over it. It’s fascinating to know that they did it merely with an intention of putting their work out there and sharing it with the world. Often, that’s exactly how I feel and that feeling is what pushes me to write. Reading about these people has given me assurance that not marketing my work or being hungry for appreciation like several others online doesn’t make me abnormal or unambitious; it only makes me a little different. After finishing a piece, I feel the need to share it with others because I want to set it free, not because I want it to bring something back to me.

I don’t want to be widely known for the things I write, I only want to be dearly loved and fondly remembered.

Alas, the intention behind writing this is to tell everyone that it’s not just okay and normal but powerful even, to not care about the outcome and just feel good about the process. I urge you all to find that little place for yourself where you can indulge in the beauty of your craft fearlessly. Find it and make it your own, exercise full command over it and do not let the world meddle with it.

Love & light,

Nandini

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