The Unfathomed

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Take Responsibility for Your Life | The Unfathomed

We don’t get our life together in one-go. We wake up every morning and try until the sun sets and the moon rises.

We cry and howl but more than that, we smile and hope.

Here’s my story—

Many people say I am too serious for my age. I say, I am mature and mindful; because my life demands that from me. I can never lead an average life with only little understanding of things that truly matter to me. So I dig deep into everything that sparks joy in me and offers me peace. 

The life I am living today, I did not have it the easy way.

Anyone who knows me knows that I had to earn it. I had to build it. 

I wasn’t served opportunities on a silver platter. No. I went hunting for them. 

I had to build things from the scratch.

I got to where I am today because I took responsibility for all of my decisions and actions. 

Even when I was broken to a point I couldn’t breathe, I did not blame someone else for pushing me into darkness, neither did I blame myself for the situation I was in. 

I took responsibility.

I did not believe in any of the negative self talk. I pretended to be deaf when those thoughts grew louder and louder. I let every painful feeling consume me until there was nothing left to hurt. Until there was nothing left to break. 

And all along, I knew it in my heart that I was going to rise. I had to. 

I stopped trying to control my thoughts and feelings. 

I stopped wishing to change everything that happened, I just began acting stubborn about building a better future. Although I couldn’t control any of my emotions and it was painful, I was quietly rooting for myself; whispering words of assurance. 

That’s real self-love, I realised. 

I learned that real self-love is taking responsibility for yourself when things don’t go your way, when people around you betray you, and break you down. 

Taking responsibility for my life was undoubtedly the best decision I ever made. It saved me from emotions that could otherwise lead to jealousy, insecurities, lack of self-worth, overthinking and anxiety, if left unaddressed. 

That one decision led me to a path of transformation and re-discovery. It saved me from the regular self-destructive path a lot of people take during depressing times.

From there, I made decisions that would get me through those moments and help me find the light. 

Instead of blaming, harming anyone or waiting for someone to see me, I took responsibility and transformed.

I helped myself.

I helped myself every single day and without realising, I became capable of helping others. 

I helped myself heal in every possible way because that’s the least I could do for my hurting heart and broken spirit. 

I began to be mindful of my thoughts and my situation. 

With that, I learned the most important thing. I learned not to exaggerate my pain. I did not try to romanticise what’s gone. For a while I did, but once I was aware of the thoughts it led me to, I paused. 

Nostalgia is a liar, we need to remember this. And some lies are beautiful, hauntingly beautiful. They are hard to resist. You can rejoice in them for a while but you must never wait for them to become a reality. You cannot give away these precious years of your life for something like that. That’s a losing battle many of us are fighting. 

Forgetting someone who meant the world to you isn’t easy. Defeating your demons isn’t easy. Making peace with your insecurities isn’t easy. But living a life where you just wait for someone to return, something to happen, someone to save you or fix you, isn’t easy either. A life like that isn’t worth living, please understand. With passing years you’ll realise this and begin to regret the time you spent in wait. I’m trying to save you from that. So please understand. 

Please, listen.

We all get hurt in the early years of our life. We start to believe that our story is the most painful story on earth. Maybe it is, but the story hasn’t ended yet. You are looking at a chapter of your life, not the entire book. One chapter of your life should not decide who you become. We can’t call our story a sad one and close the book. We can’t leave the rest of the pages empty because we are afraid. We can’t cling to those years. We can’t ruin the coming years of our life waiting to get answers from people who did us wrong. When things end, we never really get closure. We must learn to accept that. 

We cannot expect words of comfort from people who hurt us. If you consciously make an effort to get your life back on track or atleast try to live gently, you win.

You owe that to yourself. So listen to me. 

Take responsibility for your life and try. Please, try.

Love, 

The Unfathomed

Copyright © 2020 by The Unfathomed All Rights Reserved

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Your Story Matters

Your story matters. Yes, it does. It does because you are living, evolving, barely surviving, thriving, breaking, learning, healing, mending and doing several other things — all at once. Take a moment to ponder about how fascinating it is that you are everything at once. With every passing day, you are embodying everything life has to offer, experiencing everything life throws at you, nurturing yourself by bravely accepting all that makes you grow. It’s all happening every day and you’re so in sync with it.

It’s astonishing how you are embracing everything so gracefully—the everyday hustle, the moments of comfort and satisfaction that seldom seem to come at a great expense, conditions that turn your world go upside down, consequences that leave you feeling helpless, days that make you feel heavy, cold nights that make you feel empty, struggles that mature you, heartbreaks that take away innocent parts of you, ache in your heart that reminds you of your old-self, empty pockets teaching you lessons on compromise and hunger, hollow heart pricking at your conscious begging for you to fill it with something and your constant struggle to figure out how to do that, the realities of world continually challenging your belief system, actions of others threatening your peace, situations that are making you question your worth, phases that are making you question your existence, noises that are causing you to break mentally, everyday failures that cause you to lose faith, the hustle that is leaving you tired to the bone.

Ah! The endless battle you are fighting so bravely. How bravely you wade through it all. How boldly you rise. How gracefully you accept failures, learn from them and grow. How gracefully you hold it all together even when you have every reason to let go. How beautiful, empowering and real your story is, I wish you could see, I hope you could believe and know.

What you just read is something that resonates with everyone. Yes, it does. I bet 9 out of 10 people who just read this could relate to it because they’ve lived through it. It is funny how we often lose hope and feel weak because we believe life is hard just for us, that life is unfair to us, that there is no point in trying, that there is no point in surviving hardships and even worst, believing that life is easy for others and using it as an excuse to stay stuck.

Show this piece of writing to anyone you know and I bet every person who reads this will tell you they’ve gone through it all. It is about time we stop believing life is unfair to us and start with a fresh perspective. However, the purpose of me writing this is not to persuade you into believing that you aren’t alone or that we’re all in this together but simply to tell you that YOUR STORY MATTERS.

Reason being, I’m utterly fascinated with stories I hear and by this, I don’t mean the ones I read in books but the ones I hear from people I know — common people’s life story is what fascinates me. Stories of everyone around me intrigue me. Although I only know parts of their lives, I often feel their story is worth something. I tried keeping it all in, hoping my fascination (or should I rather say obsession) will end but the more people I meet the more I feel the urge to show them what a miracle they are. I want to write about people. Yes, right now, this is exactly what I want to do. I’m not sure about the future but in the current phase of my life, I want to fuel this fascination of mine and write stories — unedited, unfinished, clumsy, inspiring yet beautiful real-life stories of people. Stories of people I know closely, not so closely, acquaintances, about every beautiful being I have/had an encounter with.

It’s no secret that I like posting raw first drafts of my writings and now, it is exhilarating for me to visualize how beautiful it will be to write, appreciate and share raw stories of people I know.

Before I end this post, here’s something I want to say—Everything we go through shapes us into who we are truly meant to be, it pushes us to explore our potential and through it all, this simple thing called life takes us on a roller coaster ride where we confront several complex things, people and feeling and learn lessons from them with fervor and grace. We read stories of success and failure online, in books and newspapers; about people who made it to the top and about those who lost everything and turned into dust but what about the stories that surround us, the ones that are simple yet extraordinary. Why do they often go unnoticed? And what about your own story?

I’m writing this because I know it in my heart that every story is worth something and that every story matters.

All I ask of you is to believe that your story matters.

As much as I’m dying to write real-life stories, I also respect everyone’s privacy and wouldn’t do it without their consent.

So this is an open invitation (a request, in fact) to everyone I know and to everyone who knows me, will you allow me to write about you and bring your story to light?

If yes, kindly reach out to me and I’d be more than happy to even be a mere narrator of your beautiful journey.

Love & light,

Nandini

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In blindly following a map, do not forget you are the creator. You have the world at your fingertips.

Follow those walking ahead of you

Those who’ve already finished the race

Those who dared to dream; lived the life of your dreams and were buried in peace

Seek lessons from them

and hold their stories close

But amidst all this,

do not forget to learn from yourself

From your own struggle

From your beaten broken self

From your stubborn 5-year-old self

Do not forget to learn from your own life story

In following someone else’s path to success

Don’t leave yourself behind

Seeking inspiration without even looking for it is a wonderful feeling. You happen to find it in the most unexpected places and in the weirdest way possible — this brings out the weirdo in you and gives you that little amount of courage to go crazy for a while. But sometimes you go through days where you can’t seem to find anything beautiful; days where you prepare yourself to mourn the loss of the artist in you. These are the days you should give up looking for the courage to be crazy and just choose to be calm. These are the days you forget you are supposed to be writing, painting, singing, dancing or doing anything and just remember that your only job today is to breathe and be human.

Feeling things intensely or just staying numb — they both make you human, remember that.

Avoid pressurizing your body and mind and allow yourself to be still.

And about seeking inspiration from others,

Follow as many legends and artists you want, look at them and see yourself,

learn from their stories, get inspired, imagine their moments, obsess over them and dream to have a life like theirs but once in a while, look back and see yourself — the happy and carefree child that you were, the reckless teenager that you were, the beaten and broken soul that you were, the confused and broke adult that you were — and be proud.

Being ambitious is a great thing and moving close to the life of your dreams is a courageous thing, I agree. But reflecting back on the life you’ve lived so far and appreciating yourself for the struggles you’ve endured, is equally essential.

You don’t want to lose sight of who you are — so do not forget to look back and see how far you’ve come.

Because in the end, nothing inspires you more than your own story.

And you don’t want to succeed in getting the life of your dream only to find out you’re just pieces of those you’ve so madly followed. You don’t want to reach there and fail to remember who you really are.  

You don’t want to end up being successful and not feel like yourself, do you?

So c’ mon, take some time to be you. Every now and then, remind yourself of the shit you’ve been through and be proud of the ever-evolving badass that you are.

Thank you for reading

Love & light,

Nandini

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Enough isn’t a standard that needs to be achieved or chased. Enough is acceptance.

“I’m enough,” you tell yourself first thing in the morning because someone on youtube has told you to practice self-love with affirmations

You say it and get out of your bed feeling ready for the day

You end the day feeling clueless and yet again, you go to sleep feeling ‘not enough’

What is wrong, why is there no change and why do my efforts seem to go in vain, you ask yourself. Like every other night, you chose to shove it all aside and sleep or spend hours thinking about everything. You have convinced yourself that those are the only two ways to deal with it and do nothing but push yourself to find some energy to face tomorrow.  

But maybe, just telling yourself you are enough every morning isn’t enough. Maybe you need to actually believe it and maybe that’ll take you longer than those few minutes of affirming in the morning. Maybe because you say and don’t really believe it, throughout the day your mind and body are forced to look for validation everywhere you go and in everything you do. It’s a cycle that you are oblivious to. You look for it in the eyes of a stranger passing by and even a slightly different look from anyone makes you want to check yourself in the mirror. You look for it in the emails flooding your inbox and hope to find some words of appreciation from your higher officials.

You try to find it in the rising digits of your bank account, in the fancy collection flooding your closet, in the flashy pictures clicked in nightclubs and in likes and comments from strangers. You search for it in the words falling out your beloved’s mouth and more so dig for it in his/her actions every day. You fail to see it all and end your day believing it isn’t there. It’s time you understand that enough doesn’t mean perfect. Enough isn’t a standard that needs to be achieved or chased. Enough is acceptance. Enough is the thing only you can give to yourself; it needs your attention and support. A rare feeling that can be found only in you.

No person, accomplishment, place or thing can make you feel enough. Nothing can convince you to let the burden off your shoulders; the burden of expectations piled up whilst looking for validation in all the wrong places. You have to do it for yourself and it’s not a hard thing. It’s not a responsibility but a need; something as natural as feeding yourself with your own hands every day. Saying and believing you are enough is a very personal thing; don’t see it as a task that needs a reminder or a routine, it is something beautifully divine and very personal to you as a person.

Shift your idea of ‘enough means perfection and validation’ to ‘enough means acceptance and celebration of my rawness’ and I promise you won’t go to sleep feeling ‘not enough’.

Please don’t just read this and forget, the purpose of this post will be met only when you practice it. Let’s take it one step at a time. Start off by saving a part of this post in your notepad, the part that you liked the most and maybe take some time to act on it. Also, I’d love to know how it helped you.

Thank you for reading.

Love and light,

Nandini

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A letter to the city that breathed new life in me—Bangalore

I knew I was leaving a whole life behind

Stepping into a new world; a world of unknown.

I left Hyderabad on 7th of April 2018.

I vividly remember everything I went through that night. I remember even the minutest of details of that journey like it was just yesterday.

Completely unsure of how things are going to unfold or the idea of where life is taking me, I sat there ‘still and numb’. I was scared to death but there was no going back. At that moment, fear, confusion, disappointment, hope, expectations, strength, denial, every feeling that one can possibly feel played out through me.

As time went by, my life only seemed to go downhill and filled me with the grief of everything I left behind. I started to believe the voices in my head that screamed ‘You made a wrong decision.’

But over time, the truth overpowered those voices. The part I had mistaken for a void that needed a lover to be filled was in reality, just a layer of hurt. And with passing time, I was able to scrape it off and discover that what lies beneath is nothing but a treasure trove of love I had stored for myself and my loved ones.

I remember how this city presented me with an opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. I understood and accepted my shortcomings so that I could start working on them. It helped me fall in love with myself all over again and has given me every opportunity to discover my true potential. It has given me time and space to rest, heal, rediscover and rebuild my life with a broader perspective. This is the place where I learned some of the best and most invaluable life lessons. From learning to accept the fact that nothing is permanent to striving to make every moment count, I have come a long way. It did nothing revolutionary but subtly helped me shed parts that no longer served my purpose. Always reminded me of the reasons why I started this journey in the first place.

Here, I was introduced to the most beautiful and powerful parts of myself. I was directed towards a passionate and fulfilling life. There were moments so sublime I had to almost pinch myself to believe they were real — “I have had my heart broken before and it will most probably happen again. But, from this time forward, nobody will have any kind of power or negative impact on me and my well-being” I said to myself watching the sunrise beautifully over the lake. It was a moment worth remembering.

Today, I no longer shed tears over those who caused me pain. I wish them well, pray for their happiness and keep moving forward in life. I have learned the value of forgiveness and freedom in this city. It gave me power and I was unstoppable when it came to things I set my heart and mind on. I have conquered things that I had only dreamed of. Things that were ‘real’ only in my dreams are now a part of my reality and I can’t be thankful enough for it.

This city has offered me growth, faith, transformation, and the truth. It was never harsh on me or made me feel like an outsider. In fact, I have always felt like home here. It will always be a home for the dreamers and the hustlers, I believe. I will forever be grateful for all that I found here, for people, places and things that have fuelled my passion and gave my little heart such immense courage to keep going. Most of all, I’m thankful for the way it helped me look at my own city (Hyderabad) in a different light. It helped me fall in love with the place I grew up in, all over again.

I want to share a part of what I’ve learned here with you, so here it is — there’s nothing more important than the memories you are about to create. This moment is the only proof that you are alive. Once you learn to live in the present moment, what lies ahead or what is left behind holds little to no importance. So go ahead, soak in the beauty of ‘now’, be unabashedly yourself and never stop dreaming. For one day you will realize, by trusting the flow of life, you’ve ended up in the most beautiful place.

So this is my story and I am forever — ruthlessly and relentlessly — editing it.

This is my masterpiece.

Takeaway message: When it is time to grow, God pushes you out of your comfort zone. It’s ugly and uncomfortable at first but eventually, transforms you into someone you’ve always dreamed of becoming.

If you, too, have a place, person, things or even just some moments that helped you turn into something better, fuelled your dreams and served your transition, take a moment to be grateful. Let today be the day to express your gratitude toward it. Also, I’d love to know about it so use the comment section or send me a message, I’m all ears 🙂

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